“let’s just be friends…”

December 14, 2009

       Okay, Lenny just broke up with you, which is weird, because you were totally out of his league… but never mind that now. The thing that you’re still puzzled about a month later, is what he actually meant by “It’s not you, it’s me”, or whatever other corny line Lenny picked up from Desperate Housewives the night before and decided to use on you. Well, lucky for you, me, and anyone else who isn’t quite sure what “Let’s just be friends” actually means, here are some easy-peasy-lemon-squeesy translations we can all use in order to save that month trying to figure out what the hell Lenny was trying to say.

“It’s not you, it’s me”
What Lenny meant: “It’s definitely you: the way you walk, the way you smack your lips after saying something smart, the way you do that laugh/snort thing, the way… and so on.”

“The distance is too great”
What Lenny Meant: “Any distance is too far, if you lived in my freak’ basement the distance would still be too far. In fact, I actually wish you lived further, so that this lame line would actually make sense.”

“I’m still getting over my past relationship”
What Lenny Meant: “My sexuality is currently in question.”

“Let’s just be friends”
What Lenny Meant: “If you got a nose job, then maybe, maybe, I’d consider being seen in public with you, maybe.”


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