what’s next?

December 14, 2009

Is there a theme or topic you want written about? Or maybe you have your own article/graphic you’d like to submit? If so, feel free to email me at xcutiejessx@hotmail.com.  I don’t bite…



looking for love?

December 14, 2009

“Dungeons & Dragon’s expert in search of model”
Level 84 Ork, will take no less than Barbie proportioned female. Don’t bother answering if bigger than size 2. Call 416-KUL-NERD.
“Inquisitive Teenager, In Search Of ANYONE”
Hobbies: hormonal mood swings, contemplating staying out past curfew and in search of own independence without doing the dishes. Call 555-4736, if parents pick up phone, hang up immediately.
“Looking For My Own Personal McDreamy”
Hi. I am like THE biggest Grey’s Anatomy fan so I’m like looking for this guy who is like McDreamy or McSteamy or McVet or you know Alex or George or Denny or like all of them in one crazy McGuy. Omigosh, it’s such a good show. So if you think you’re like any of those guys then give me a call! *wink*
“Britney Looking For a KFed Replacement”
I’ve just gotten over a pretty intense divorce, but I’m now single and ready to find that new “Prince Charming”. I like lipsyncing and dancing with snakes, but I’m honestly just your normal down-to-earth type of girl. Send me a text message if you’re interested.
“Cinderella In Search Of ‘Less Shallow’ Prince Charming”
Looking for someone intellectually stimulating who has heard of the “women’s rights movement”. If insecure with own masculinity and feel that intellectual females are threatening, don’t call.
Looking for love? Leave your own personal in our comment section.
1. Everywhere you go Larry seems to turn up, whether it’s in Biology class, your lunch spot or… The girls bathroom! (Get out of here Larry!)
2. Rosie told you that Henry told her, who heard from Derrick, who is Hannah’s cousin., that Larry told her he liked you.

3. Your old, mouldy gym shirt “mysteriously” went missing from your locker a week ago, and you caught Larry wearing a shirt that bore quite the resemblance to your missing one.

4. When you asked him about the shirt, he just smiled!

5. While watching The Simpsons in English class, you felt a tug at the back of your head. When you turned around to investigate the cause, you found Larry grinning… and holding a lock of your hair!

6. When they played “I’ll Be Missing You” on the P.A. in the morning, Larry gave you a wink and whispered “They’re playing our song”.

7. Larry showed up at your house last night.

8. And was taking pictures of your room through the window.

9. Larry has proposed to you 48 times and the wedding invitations are already in the mail.

10. Larry has a tattoo with your name in a heart… and it doesn’t wash off!

dear readers

December 14, 2009

       Okay, fine, I’ll admit it. When I said “my” tree house, I wasn’t exactly telling you the whole truth… It’s not really my tree house… Okay, fine, it’s NOT my tree house, at all. Okay, yeah, sure it’s my 5 year old neighbour’s tree house… and no, they don’t know that I hop the fence seperating our lawns everytime they go out and sit underneath their tree house. But, hey, who cares, ya know? I mean it’s not like I’m harming them. I don’t even go into the actual tree house. I sit in, what I like to call, the “basement of the tree house”. But for those with a significantly smaller imagination, that also means right under the tree house. This is the place I can go, my neighbour’s backyard, under their 5 year old kid’s tree house, and really, I mean REALLY ponder life’s inner questions. I go there to relax, get away from reality, think my life through and even sleep. Actually this one time, a squirrel came by, when I was sleepin’ right, and… wait. I’m getting off track. Anyways, the whole “basement of the tree house” is where I’m writing this right now! See? Not so creepy once you get used to it, am I right? But here’s the thing; since my neighbours, shall we say, would find it a little weird if they found out I use their kid’s tree house as my thinking spot, let’s just keep this our little secret, okay? And if you keep the secret, maybe I’ll invite you over sometime, for you know, like a reward, or somethin’, k? Anyway, gotta scram, I hear their car pulling into the driveway! Until next time, but in the mean time: keep that huge mouth of yours shut! Wait! Is that the five-year-old kid in their house window? Wait. He didn’t leave with his parents?! Why is he pointing at me and shouting? &!@#.